26 May 2023

 It’s been a long time since I have written. 

I guess it’s better to write it out here than on my social media. Cos I wrote mainly to get it out of my system anyways. And there are so many things I want to say yet o can’t do so on social media. 

Regardless of how much time has passed, people have remained the same. N I just hate humans. 

Firstly, I am totally disappointed in Yiling. Since Melanie told me that she had let on about my “secrets” long ago. 

What she revealed isn’t a secret. I have no issues to let people know. But it was supposed to be low key. Yet she had revealed it to who knows how many people. People who are not even her family. 

This makes me both angry, hurt and disappointed. This betrayal is…. 

Anyways we have not spoken for a long time and will not speak for a long time. She ain’t a good friend n will never be again. 

Next is Jaimie. I don’t know where she is at emotional or mentally right now. But I really am very tired. I don’t want to bother anymore. She can do whatever she wants and I really don’t care what she is going through. 

I guess that’s why I have hardly reached out to my friends even when I am suffering. Because I know everyone has their limits. That’s also why jaimie stopped talking to us and moving on to new people. 

I do not know why she is refuses to seek treatment for her issues. And even if she says she is seeing counsellors and psychiatrists, I don’t know if it is to show it to us or if it really helps her. Cos she doesn’t come across as someone who wants helps. She wants help to get her way, what she wants. But not help to heal or get better or move on. 

Lord help me! 

Last but not least, I want to laugh, ridicule and poke fun at some people. 

On one hand I really want to drag things out and make things difficult. So that her child can be termed illegitimate.  It’s a bastard. Full stop. Born not just out of wedlock but adultery and home breaking. 

It will not have a good ending. How I wish we could have the children and turn them against her. Especially if she is really pregnant. 

Let’s see. 

But seriously, who can be so dumb as to get pregnant in the midst of a fight? Lol

I really wana laugh at her. But it’s not worth my time. Also, I really want to move on. I don’t want to rely on my dad, as much as I want to punish her. Because I just feel that I cannot rely on him. He is not reliable and has just always boasted since I was young. 

Which successful lawyer ends up like my father? Drinking nightly and putting up with idiots rather than fight against them. Sigh. 

Anyways he is the main reason I don’t want to fight anymore. Worrying that he will disappear cos something will happen to him midway cos of how irresponsible he is, causes me more stress than that mad woman. 

Anyways God has eyes. He said He is my Vengeance. So I have to trust that He will punish her. Not just in heaven but on this earth as well. I really wish her all the luck in getting dumbed by Ben and laden with a load of debts. 

Everything she has right now is borrowed. With no ability to return any of it. 

By faith I will speak declarations of forgiveness and blessings. But my heart has yet to joyfully speak it yet. I hope one day I can. But I doubt it will be any time soon. 

As much as I am angry about the injustice she carried out, I would have left her alone if she did not come to harass me. It’s cos of that that I want to make her pay. 

Uphold the justice Lord. Fulfill your promises lord!